My Life

Catching Up

bluefairy

I do have some posts planned. I took some screenshots while I was making a custom report in Family Tree Maker. I will be writing my first tutorial of anything on how to make the custom report. I am also getting Easter packages for my adult children ready. I am also preparing Easter gifts for my children in Nursery at church. I’ve been taking photos. All that will be coming up. I did have some things to share that I did for Nursery.

I don’t know that I’ll do many food posts for a while. I’ve gained a lot of weight since I quit my job. I want to make special treats and meals for my family, but it usually causes me to over eat. I’ve started working out. I’m going to try to jump start my weight loss. After that, I think I’ll have to totally avoid treats or rich foods for the rest of my life. It’s really difficult to maintain weight once you hit 40. I used to be able to lose weight quickly, but since I turned 40 it has been extremely difficult.

I’ve been struggling the past two months. I won’t go so far as to say it is depression. If it is it is a mild case. I think it was just Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is typical for me. It just started later this season than usual. However, my anxieties have been bad. I have no one to talk to about it. I’ve started feeling better the past week or so. I have actually wanted to do things. Today is pretty great. I feel like I’m really getting back to functioning like I do when I’m “normal”. I’m scared because I have a lot I want to get done and I have to go to church on Sunday. I don’t want a setback. I like going to church and I need to go to church, but this past week was bad. I just started to recover yesterday, Thursday. Usually, I’m ready to go Monday morning or it takes me a day, two tops. I’m just scared to go this week. I hate when I don’t function fully. I do have tons to do. I have tons I WANT to do. I don’t want to get set back mentally.

This is one of my favorite songs. I’m sure millions of people love it too because they can relate to it.

What exactly does it mean to be friends with the monster in your head? Maybe frenemies is a better word. I think I am friends with the monster in me. I don’t like it, but I’ve accepted it. I know I have to deal it the rest of my life. I recognize it. I can see when it’s rearing its ugly head and I can deal with it even if it means going in low gear for a few hours, days or weeks. Instead of giving into it and not doing anything at all, I just do as much as I can push myself to do. Even if it’s only one thing a day. I think that helps me from sinking into a major depression and enables me to recover more quickly than I would have otherwise.

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